Have you ever wondered why the big key on the right side of your keyboard sometimes says "enter" and sometimes says "return"? This falls into the grey area of computer history, at one point in time certain operating systems had different purposes for these two keys. Carriage return (aka return aka down and to the left) was a descendant of that same function on the typewriter which sends the cursor down one line and to the leftmost margin. At it's heart, return is a character formatting key. Enter, on the other hand, often appears on the number pad and is typically used to tell the little man inside the computer that you're done with your part and it's his turn to do something. For example, I might type a bunch of numbers separated by + characters and when I press enter I'd expect to know how much they add up to.
For obvious reasons, the lines between these two keys became blurred as certain operating systems cared while others did not. Just as some filesystems are case sensitive (flavors of Unix in particular) and others are not (VMS and Windows as examples) the confusion creates a drift towards the midline, and basic rules are formed to ensure those with rudimentary knowledge don't get too lost.
In my personal life, at this point in time, both keys seem to be quite fitting. I've begun to run again, despite having next to no fitness to leverage, and it feels good to bring myself back into the world of hurt. I don't want to jinx myself, I don't know how long this current effort will last, but I'd like for it to be sustainable. I'd like to call myself a runner again. It's a cool feeling to float across the ground. Especially when you weight 180 lbs.
At the same time, I'm entering new territory. Both of my roommates have moved out and I live with Miss Sonja and her dog Jack in a house that becomes increasingly ours. It's become quite peaceful despite the endless stream of home improvement projects we've dug into together. As I enter a bit more of a family minded lifestyle, I can't help but laugh about how different it all seems than 4 years ago, and yet how similar all at the same time.
I got one of those horrible and yet oddly beautiful emails this morning, from a good friend who recently got married and is now separating. It's a trip when you are friends with both and there is no real blame, just two people who spent 7 years together and now are drifting apart. The only true constant is change.
In the meantime, other friends have gotten engaged, some are recently pregnant, and my neighbors are moving away. All sorts of change surrounds me.
In the midst of it all, I continue to attempt to strike a balance. A balance between running and yoga, one which tightens and constricts and challenges unlike any other endeavor I know of, and the other which loosens and restores and rejuvenates, nurturing space which I've only recently become quite fond of.
Sometimes I miss my opportunities to attempt to pause and make sense of it all, life just seems to be moving far too fast. I envy those who have created space to meditate and take life on their terms. But I know how easy it is to assume everyone else has their s together when the reality of life is that we may drive at times but nobody is truly in total control. I've never stopped making mistakes, so I'll never run out of learning opportunities.
For now, I think the most dramatic signal in my life is how unique each of my friendships is. Every person in my life seems so different than anyone else. Where I used to get frustrated when someone adhered to something other than a social norm, I now look at that with wonder and amazement as it it were a fruit I have never tasted.