Lately, I haven't read enough. I haven't made time for many things that I truly appreciate in life, reading friend's blogs, making time to see and talk to friends in person, reading books, walking Hunter, etc.
Work has taken over a large portion of my weekdays. Perhaps I am particularly poor at multitasking or perhaps there is something truly exhausting about the never-done aspect of software, it could always be better, and the millionth iteration is no more complete than the thousandth.
My yoga practice is suffering, and my running is nonexistent. I loved reading about James's course record last weekend, meanwhile the thought of racing seems terribly foreign.
I barely have time during the day to walk next door to grab lunch before they close. I typically get by with groceries bought once a week at jimbos and kept in the office fridge to fuel myself. I typically get dehydrated even though the water spigot is merely 10 feet away.
I'm overdue on coaching updates to the team from our time trial on Saturday. I didn't see Cody last weekend, and I only got half of the hedge "fixed" after it felt down in the rain/wind.
And so, the moments for self reflection are few. The moments for reading are even fewer. I don't even have a child, I simply cannot fathom how parents are able to survive a single day.
I look forward to a little bit of settling down, but meanwhile I recognize this steady roller coaster of a ride that work has become. I hear about it from everyone else as well. It seems as if the generation before us had some modicum of sustainability to their jobs which we may never know. Feast or famine is the modern definition of work, no employer seems healthy without a big growth angle.
I remember feeling this way about this time last year. Perhaps coaching simply is asking too much of myself. Of course I have college interviews coming up which always take more time than I expect, 1 hour to meet, 20 minutes to drive each way, and another hour to write about a student who has less than a 1% chance of getting in to Princeton, it all seems so futile and wasteful, just as my father's discussion of the Waikiki storefronts spewing cold air onto the sidewalk.
I know how to deal with this, just like any stress, the first response is to simply "breathe". Yoga truly helps me through these times. But I also know that I'm going to have to say no to things in the future and that's part of what seems to wear on me now. I don't like saying no. I'm not any good at it.